Why did the Safety Advisor ignore a pile of LSD on the floor?
He felt it was a tripping hazard....
H&S Christmas jokes
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Alexis
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Oh! Dear! You two.
Why did the Safety Advisor ignore a pile of LSD on the floor?
He felt it was a tripping hazard....
Why did the Safety Advisor ignore a pile of LSD on the floor?
He felt it was a tripping hazard....
"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."
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TWDB
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Guys its an oldie but a goodie ( this message that is )!! i'm looking for a few H&S or ENV/Quality related Jokes!
any new and good / awful ones you guys can share?
Thanks T
any new and good / awful ones you guys can share?
Thanks T
Update: taken a new job 
hopefully confidence and positivity will return with new challenge - scary though leaving current place after 16 years (6 years H&S !) 
(previous signature: was motivated once ..................... searching to get it back !
)
hopefully confidence and positivity will return with new challenge - scary though leaving current place after 16 years (6 years H&S !) (previous signature: was motivated once ..................... searching to get it back !
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wendolene26
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
In my attempt to assist with your quest for H&S or Env/Quality related jokes as I have none such gems between my ears, I'd thought I'd trawl the tinterweb. What was the first hit in my search....yup - this post!!! ha ha
You are only a millimetre or a millisecond away from the next incident.
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TWDB
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
awful but found this
My workplace gave to me:
A day home safe with family.
On the second day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the third day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Ten observations,
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Eleven committee minutes,
Ten observations,
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Twelve inspection checklists,
Eleven committee minutes,
Ten observations,
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
My workplace gave to me:
A day home safe with family.
On the second day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the third day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Ten observations,
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Eleven committee minutes,
Ten observations,
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Twelve inspection checklists,
Eleven committee minutes,
Ten observations,
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
Update: taken a new job hopefully confidence and positivity will return with new challenge - scary though leaving current place after 16 years (6 years H&S !)
(previous signature: was motivated once ..................... searching to get it back !)
hopefully confidence and positivity will return with new challenge - scary though leaving current place after 16 years (6 years H&S !) (previous signature: was motivated once ..................... searching to get it back !
)-
Alexis
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Oh the pain TW!! 
Everyone loves a trier!
Everyone loves a trier!
"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."
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Blackstone
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Haha love this TW, Just sung it to the colleagues in the office!TWDB wrote: ↑Tue Dec 19, 2023 11:35 am awful but found this
My workplace gave to me:
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My workplace gave to me:
Twelve inspection checklists,
Eleven committee minutes,
Ten observations,
Nine supplier labels,
Eight safe work procedures,
Seven stretching programs,
Six fire extinguishers,
Five hazard cards!
Four first aid kits,
Three safety vests,
Two hearing plugs,
and a day home safe with family.
'Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough that they don't want to!' - Richard Branson
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Blackstone
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- Posts: 1360
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- Occupation: Deputy SHE Manager
- Location: Kent
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Any news Christmas H&S related jokes for this year?
I'd like a few fresh ones for the December H&S committee meeting
I'd like a few fresh ones for the December H&S committee meeting
'Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough that they don't want to!' - Richard Branson
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Blackstone
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
I did actually find this link with some amusing H&S Christmas related stuff...
https://safetyrisk.net/christmas-safety ... -articles/
https://safetyrisk.net/christmas-safety ... -articles/
'Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough that they don't want to!' - Richard Branson
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Alexis
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Great link Blackstone.Blackstone wrote: ↑Fri Nov 29, 2024 12:24 pm I did actually find this link with some amusing H&S Christmas related stuff...
https://safetyrisk.net/christmas-safety ... -articles/
Anyone else found some?
"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."
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grim72
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
I suspect it will be the same ones as usual. I did spot this Christmas card though: https://www.etsy.com/nz/listing/1324651 ... card-crazy
I then thought to myself, I wonder if AI has evolved sufficiently to come up with some funnies - here is what it came up with (I think I have my answer, deary me lol):
Why was Rudolph banned from the Christmas party?
Because he didn’t wear his high-vis antlers in the sleigh parking area!
Why doesn’t Santa let the elves decorate the tree anymore?
Too many “elf and safety” incidents!
What do you call an accident-prone snowman?
A slip-and-fall Frosty!
Why did the reindeer wear hard hats?
Because Santa said, “You never know when the roof might cave in!”
Why did the Christmas tree refuse to light up?
It failed its PAT test!
What’s Santa’s favorite piece of PPE?
His elf and safety goggles!
Why did the gingerbread man refuse to go sledding?
He heard it wasn’t covered by the bakery’s risk assessment!
Why don’t elves play on icy pavements?
They’re afraid of elf-and-safety slips!
What’s the first thing a safety officer does at a Christmas party?
Completes a festive risk assessment for the mince pies!
What did the health and safety officer say to Santa?
“Your sleigh needs seatbelts, and you should really switch to reindeer with hi-vis harnesses!”
Why didn’t Santa drink the eggnog?
He read the COSHH sheet and decided to pass!
Why do elves wear steel-toe boots?
To avoid “elf-inflicted” injuries in the workshop!
Why was the Christmas cracker banned from the party?
It didn’t comply with the noise regulations!
Why does Santa use biodegradable wrapping paper?
To avoid being on the naughty environmental compliance list!
What’s a safety officer’s favorite Christmas carol?
“Silent Night, No Incidents Tonight.”
Why didn’t the snowman join the snowball fight?
His snow insurance didn’t cover workplace hazards.
Why do health and safety inspectors hate snowmen?
Too many slippery slopes in their design!
Why did the elf get a fine at the Christmas market?
He was selling knock-off PPE...
Why does Santa keep a log of who’s naughty or nice?
For compliance purposes!
What did the risk assessment say about the Christmas party?
“Mistletoe: high-risk area; consume mince pies responsibly!”
I then thought to myself, I wonder if AI has evolved sufficiently to come up with some funnies - here is what it came up with (I think I have my answer, deary me lol):
Why was Rudolph banned from the Christmas party?
Because he didn’t wear his high-vis antlers in the sleigh parking area!
Why doesn’t Santa let the elves decorate the tree anymore?
Too many “elf and safety” incidents!
What do you call an accident-prone snowman?
A slip-and-fall Frosty!
Why did the reindeer wear hard hats?
Because Santa said, “You never know when the roof might cave in!”
Why did the Christmas tree refuse to light up?
It failed its PAT test!
What’s Santa’s favorite piece of PPE?
His elf and safety goggles!
Why did the gingerbread man refuse to go sledding?
He heard it wasn’t covered by the bakery’s risk assessment!
Why don’t elves play on icy pavements?
They’re afraid of elf-and-safety slips!
What’s the first thing a safety officer does at a Christmas party?
Completes a festive risk assessment for the mince pies!
What did the health and safety officer say to Santa?
“Your sleigh needs seatbelts, and you should really switch to reindeer with hi-vis harnesses!”
Why didn’t Santa drink the eggnog?
He read the COSHH sheet and decided to pass!
Why do elves wear steel-toe boots?
To avoid “elf-inflicted” injuries in the workshop!
Why was the Christmas cracker banned from the party?
It didn’t comply with the noise regulations!
Why does Santa use biodegradable wrapping paper?
To avoid being on the naughty environmental compliance list!
What’s a safety officer’s favorite Christmas carol?
“Silent Night, No Incidents Tonight.”
Why didn’t the snowman join the snowball fight?
His snow insurance didn’t cover workplace hazards.
Why do health and safety inspectors hate snowmen?
Too many slippery slopes in their design!
Why did the elf get a fine at the Christmas market?
He was selling knock-off PPE...
Why does Santa keep a log of who’s naughty or nice?
For compliance purposes!
What did the risk assessment say about the Christmas party?
“Mistletoe: high-risk area; consume mince pies responsibly!”
Grim72
https://www.goodtogosafety.co.uk/ - Providing you with a safer workplace
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes
https://www.goodtogosafety.co.uk/ - Providing you with a safer workplace
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes
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Alexis
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Oh deary me indeedy Grim!! (No pun intended. )"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."
Hundreds of FREE Health & Safety Downloads Here
Hundreds of FREE Health & Safety Downloads Here
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grim72
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Re: H&S Christmas jokes
Not H&S related but apparently these are the top 10 cracker jokes for 2024 according to UKTV/Gold : Some are better than others it has to be said.
What gifts will Sir Keir get this Christmas? None, he's had enough!
Why are pensioners bulk buying Brussels sprouts this Christmas? It's the only way they'll keep the gas flowing this year.
Why is Rachel Reeves in the Nativity this year? She's collecting inn-heritance tax.
Why is Santa worried about being stalked? He's surrounded by baby reindeer.
Who's Santas favourite member of Oasis? Noel.
Why does Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? He's on Ho Ho hozempic.
Why aren't there more jokes about receiving Oasis tickets for Christmas? Most people won't get them.
What do you call a Belgian reselling tickets at inflated prices? - a Brussels tout.
What's the Thames Water advent calendar like? It's full of number 2s.
Why did Gareth Southgate get into difficulty with the Christmas Club money? He was always late with his subs.
What gifts will Sir Keir get this Christmas? None, he's had enough!
Why are pensioners bulk buying Brussels sprouts this Christmas? It's the only way they'll keep the gas flowing this year.
Why is Rachel Reeves in the Nativity this year? She's collecting inn-heritance tax.
Why is Santa worried about being stalked? He's surrounded by baby reindeer.
Who's Santas favourite member of Oasis? Noel.
Why does Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? He's on Ho Ho hozempic.
Why aren't there more jokes about receiving Oasis tickets for Christmas? Most people won't get them.
What do you call a Belgian reselling tickets at inflated prices? - a Brussels tout.
What's the Thames Water advent calendar like? It's full of number 2s.
Why did Gareth Southgate get into difficulty with the Christmas Club money? He was always late with his subs.
Grim72
https://www.goodtogosafety.co.uk/ - Providing you with a safer workplace
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes
https://www.goodtogosafety.co.uk/ - Providing you with a safer workplace
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes
