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Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post your humorous risk assessments, health and safety jokes or funny stories of health and safety goings on in your part of the country. KEEP IT CLEAN PLEASE!

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WillPool
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Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by WillPool » Thu Dec 17, 2015 9:53 pm

Nicked from a friend on Facebook:

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.
The assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory
Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.
While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.
Finally, for those involved in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas – be safe out there.......

Will .salut
It is better to be careful 100 times than to get killed once.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by Waterbaby » Fri Dec 18, 2015 12:04 am

[smilie=smiley-faces11.gif]

clapclap clapclap
"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change"
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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by Zman » Fri Dec 18, 2015 8:49 am

!
Attachments
H&S Christmas Cracker.gif
It says "Press any key," where's the "any" key?

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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by Alexis » Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:50 am

clapclap clapclap clapclap
clapclap clapclap clapclap
:lol: :lol: :lol:
"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."

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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by bernicarey » Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:54 am

Saw a Tweet this morning from a H&S Training Company, who may or may not be forum members.

Just goes to show we all need to be on our toes this festive season, and yes, they do offer Fire Safety training!
HandS Fail Christmas Tree.jpg
I did reply with my concerns!
www.belvoirsafety.co.uk

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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by bernicarey » Fri Dec 18, 2015 3:36 pm

A well known Comparison site is now doing Galactic Insurance Quotes...


http://www.comparethemarket.com/galacti ... art-quote/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
www.belvoirsafety.co.uk

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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by Alexis » Fri Dec 18, 2015 3:44 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."

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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by Zman » Fri Dec 18, 2015 3:49 pm

Safety Xmas Card.jpg
It says "Press any key," where's the "any" key?

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Re: Christmas 'elf & Safety

Post by Towsey » Tue Mar 05, 2019 2:55 pm

bernicarey wrote:
Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:54 am
Saw a Tweet this morning from a H&S Training Company, who may or may not be forum members.

Just goes to show we all need to be on our toes this festive season, and yes, they do offer Fire Safety training!

HandS Fail Christmas Tree.jpg

I did reply with my concerns!
HAHA. it seems to me everywhere I go at Christmas time, they always stick a tree in front of the FFE.

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