These Made Me Laugh

[Fletcher]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'."
***********************
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and
LIVE with you and your wife...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around
Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too...I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter,--- let's look for yours."

[Alexis]

[colinaugust57]

Chuckling

[Coolcat]

[ddlh]

Wayne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he
realised that his wife, Chardonnay, was teeing up on the woman's tee
directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and
hit her directly in the head, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Wayne got a call from the coroner regarding her
autopsy.

Coroner: "Wayne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force
trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the
head, is that correct?"

Wayne : "Yes mate, that's correct."

Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her
behind."

Wayne : "Was it a Titleist 3?"

Coroner: "It was, yes"

Wayne : "That was my provisional.

[WillPool]

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow


"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century.
Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"








"Sticks?" Paddy said.

[Coolcat]

[Fletcher]

[WillPool]

Ball boy to sue his employer (Swansea City FC)




after he was injured by a Hazard at work!!!

[bernicarey]

For those not aware of this incident, see this link http://www.itv.com/news/story/2013-01-2 ... emi-final/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

However, let's not discuss it here as this is a comedy topic

[ddlh]

To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton,Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs

-----------------------

7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40

------------------------

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt
................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher...
---------------------

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Years Riots....
Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty Runs Out Soon

-------------------

"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears streaming down my faceI swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!

-------------------------

2 Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. They’re both in hospital... one's in a korma…the other's got a dodgy tikka!


In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead
and anything else they could get their blinking hands on

-------------------------------

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth

[Alexis]