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Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post your humorous risk assessments, health and safety jokes or funny stories of health and safety goings on in your part of the country. KEEP IT CLEAN PLEASE!

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jonsi
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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by jonsi » Mon Sep 30, 2013 9:01 am

just give the new machines a go ...then we'll write up the RA and SSoW

Consider your accident as a learning experience
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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by Alexis » Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:10 pm

What are you moaning for.....you've got the old execs chair and you just have to look up at the computer. What's that??? Your arms are sore??? It keeps you from slouching and getting a midriff bulge...... saves a fortune on gym costs.

Who's your H&S person.......You don't need one?? Of course not as long as you've read the old H&S poster on the wall you WILL be safe!!
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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by MrsMuppet » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:15 am

Your torch battery has run out in a confined space and you can't see? Just use your lighter, it'll be fine...
Never eat more than you can lift - Miss Piggy

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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by jonsi » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:38 am

What do you mean "there's supposed to be a toilet"? "...you should have gone before coming to work!"

It's only an Accident if it's your fault ...anything else is an acceptable Occupational Risk.

Safety boots only protect your toes ...your toes only account for 19% of your foot ...that means 81% of your foot is unprotected. Not very safe now are they?

I fully understand your safety concerns about going up there on the forks of the FLT...how's about I send Brian up there with you? He'll hold onto you.
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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by jonsi » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:42 am

I just say "No ...you can't do that, Heath & Safety see" to everything ...makes the job loads easier.
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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by Twisted Blister » Tue Oct 01, 2013 12:13 pm

"never liked him anyway".
Health and Safety is...

never having to say you're sorry.

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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by MrsMuppet » Tue Oct 01, 2013 4:06 pm

:sign5: ^

that one made me chuckle...
Never eat more than you can lift - Miss Piggy

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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by ScoobyDoo » Tue Oct 01, 2013 9:56 pm

Me Too clapclap

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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by MrsMuppet » Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:48 am

Don't be silly, it's not live... *pokes finger at bare wires* see!
Never eat more than you can lift - Miss Piggy

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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by jonsi » Wed Oct 02, 2013 9:43 am

Nobody's going to stupid enough to do THAT are they?

OK ...so, for your PPE ...Safety Goggles, Hard Hat, Boots, Gloves and the Hi-Vis jacket - that'll be £54.11 (for an extra £8 you can have some Ear Muffs ;) )
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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by ScoobyDoo » Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:15 am

jonsi wrote:Nobody's going to stupid enough to do THAT are they?
Wouldn't it be absolutely fantastic to be able to say that - every now and then

homer [smilie=00000720.gif] [smilie=smiley-faces1.gif]

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Re: Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Post by safetygal » Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:49 am

Hi Vis yellow just doesnt match your outfit... maybe you should go without, but tommorow, wear those black skinny jeans with your sandals - its a good look on you

OMG Look at your fab new hair do! don't wear the helmet today, you dont want hat hair on that head! im well jel!

you look hot in your ray bans sunglasses... dont worry about the goggles they are only plastic anyway what good are they going to do...?

if you run through the workshop with your hands over your ears and get out quickly it lowers your chance of getting hurt therefore you dont need any ear defenders on, i do it all the time

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