Things We shouldn't say as H&S practitioners

Fletcher · Post by **Fletcher** » Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:15 am

Of course you can go in your lab to get a book, they're only defumigating it, it's OK

Post by **jonsi** » Fri Jan 25, 2013 4:40 pm

The last two guys who fell off that roof were left handed too ...what's with you lefties?

Fletcher · Post by **Fletcher** » Tue Feb 12, 2013 1:05 pm

Throw these logs on the embers then just pour this white spirit on them, that will get it going again

horseburger · Post by **horseburger** » Fri Feb 22, 2013 9:00 pm

It's okay, I know how to delete the CCTV footage.

ddlh · Post by **ddlh** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:19 pm

Cut through the hedge trimmers cable - (Mrs H noted I was only holding them with one hand for a two hand operation?)

"Who put elastic bands over the "dead mans handle"?

Dave

MrsMuppet · Post by **MrsMuppet** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 4:02 pm

Of course you can use the plug socket whilst it's hanging of the wall... it works doesn't it?

Brett Day SP · Post by **Brett Day SP** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:35 pm

Dangerous? Well get an apprentice to do it...

For God's sake don't hit it with that hammer, it's far too small get a bigger one!

I never met anyone who's been injured from falling, however, hitting the ground at a great rate of knots, well that's a different matter.....

I was asked in a design team meeting what the problem was with members of the public, exiting a building directly into a loading bay that 40ft trucks were reversing into. Having just spent 4 hours with a design team in a hot stuffy office my idiot threshold was wearing thin hence my response "Well we have a great big lump of metal on wheels with limited visibility and humans beings in the same place, given that we tend to be pink and squishy, who do you think will win that argument?" The meeting room went so quiet you could hear a pin drop.... Then the secretary asked me if I wanted the phrase "Pink and squishy" minuted.

Two weeks later when my boss was reading the minutes he asked if I had actually said that...

MrsMuppet · Post by **MrsMuppet** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 3:37 pm

How should I know if it's toxic? Lick it and we'll soon find out...

Post by **jonsi** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 9:08 am

You again! Chemical's still dripping is it? Then walk around the puddle of acid...

I know you're in pain and bleeding all over the place but I do have to fill in the Accident form y'know and frankly, you're aren't being much help. Let's start again ...Name?

"get some ear defenders on or you'll go deaf " ...I SAID "GET SOME EAR DEFENDERS ON" ...I SAID "GET SOME EAR DEFENDERS ON" ...oh, stuff it!

MrsMuppet · Post by **MrsMuppet** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:04 pm

No safety footwear in your size you say? Well, just wear the next size up and wear thicker socks, you'll be ok for today...

Post by **jonsi** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 9:42 am

Fell off a ladder you say ...if he was wearing Hi-Viz and safety boots it'll be OK with the HSE

I've given you a Hi-Viz vest ...you want MORE PPE?

That'll teach ya...

you've still got one good eye - what are you worrying about?

We like the cluttered walkways and trailing hoses ...it injects the spirit of 'It's a Knockout' into the working day. Now ...on my whistle stack the pallet blindfolded while we chuck things at you

...oh and he's playing his Joker!

grim72 · Post by **grim72** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:43 pm

You know you could save a lot of time if you just get rid of those machine guards. They're only there to stop you being efficient.

It's not a confined space - you're obviously just claustrophobic - now get over it.

Working at height? It's no different from working at ground level - its all in your head.

Battery charging procedures? Sorry mate, we don't sell batteries here!