We've rebooted our Facebook Group. If groups are your thing, join up and let's make it as amazing and friendly as our forums!

Click here for HSfB's Facebook Group Image

Safe AND Funny

Post your humorous risk assessments, health and safety jokes or funny stories of health and safety goings on in your part of the country. KEEP IT CLEAN PLEASE!

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
Alexis
Official HSfB Legend
Official HSfB Legend
Posts: 45653
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2004 10:52 am
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AlexisHSfB
Location: West Lothian
Has thanked: 352 times
Been thanked: 52 times
Contact:

Safe AND Funny

Post by Alexis » Tue May 01, 2012 3:29 pm

This Kulula's airline attendants and pilots are known for injecting a sense of humour into situations:

"Please pay attention to the safety announcement, because you will be writing a test shortly".

"If you are caught smoking, you will be asked to leave the aircraft".

"You could be fined up to R7999 for smoking on the plane, and for these prices you could be flying SAA"

[check Kulula's month-on-month price, remember to cross check airline prices]

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

"Me Tarzan, You on hold", when phoning Kulula and being put on hold.

"To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull the belt tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one by now, then you probably shouldn't be allowed out in public unsupervised."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed in Cape Town . Please take all your possessions. Anything left behind will be shared equally between staff. Please note we do not accept unwanted mothers-in-law or children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

"Welcome to Johannesburg, if this is not where you were intending to go then you have a bit of a problem."


On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

---o0o---

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

----o0o---

On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

----o0o---

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

---o0o---

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

---o0o--

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

---o0o---

From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."

Image

Get Listed for Free on our New Business Directory

User avatar
AdrianW
Cougar, the cat on the prowl
Cougar, the cat on the prowl
Posts: 3209
Joined: Fri May 14, 2010 9:17 am
Industry Sector: Construction and M&E
Location: UK
Been thanked: 1 time

Re: Safe AND Funny

Post by AdrianW » Tue May 01, 2012 4:38 pm

Well, I'm half South African so I can relate to their humour :laughing6:
Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

User avatar
Alexis
Official HSfB Legend
Official HSfB Legend
Posts: 45653
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2004 10:52 am
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AlexisHSfB
Location: West Lothian
Has thanked: 352 times
Been thanked: 52 times
Contact:

Re: Safe AND Funny

Post by Alexis » Tue May 01, 2012 4:49 pm

AdrianW wrote:Well, I'm half South African so I can relate to their humour :laughing6:
According to your avatar, the other half looks Japanese? ;)
"A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle."

Image

Get Listed for Free on our New Business Directory

User avatar
AdrianW
Cougar, the cat on the prowl
Cougar, the cat on the prowl
Posts: 3209
Joined: Fri May 14, 2010 9:17 am
Industry Sector: Construction and M&E
Location: UK
Been thanked: 1 time

Re: Safe AND Funny

Post by AdrianW » Wed May 02, 2012 10:37 am

Alexis wrote:
AdrianW wrote:Well, I'm half South African so I can relate to their humour :laughing6:
According to your avatar, the other half looks Japanese? ;)
:laughing6:
Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

Post Reply

 

Follow us on Twitter Find us on Facebook Find us on on LinkedIn

Terms of Use Privacy Policy